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VII. The Two Worlds
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(the full text of the emperor's poem to antinous as quoted in poem III above 'the first and second meeting'; wherein the master of the world meditates upon the ultimate mysteries and the part that the bithynian might play in his redemption and rebirth)
* * *
the beams of your eyes have shattered two worlds,
nothing but ruins, nothing but ruins
the quiet pool of the mind is now stirred up
and the outward world is a mass of flames.
myself am from myself far far away.
the weak and feeble soul has left its cave
and wanders in the ways of earth and air.
i have chosen you and nothing will suffice
but that i own and hold you as my own,
but that you take the gift which i extend,
but that the gift by him to whom it is given
is accepted in the spirit with which i gave,
not as a sign of amity
nor in worship of your perfect natural parts
but as a symbol
signifying that here
within your breast within my breast
the withdrawn and recalcitrant world of the senses
for but one moment cleared of eddying mists
revealed itself
and as in a mirror seen
surveyed what yet it might become
and recognized the goal to which it moved.
i have asked myself, inquiring of my mind
inquiring of the universal mind...
is this the world? is this void the world?
is the world void? devoid of sense and sap?
a slowly moving circle circling the night
circling the night circling the night?
an echo and an empty dream?
i would address you antinous and i would speak your name
but can you blame me antinous, can you blame
that i, a mass of words and void of thought,
devoid of thought and feeling, set at naught
set at absolute zero in the scale of earthly
or of heavenly things,
have nothing to say?
i cannot speak
and even if i spoke
the very words would stick in my throat.
i should discard them as a vile and worthless thing
and spit them out upon the sand.
you see antinous and you will understand
you cannot help but understand
that you and i though separate and apart
though far apart and wasting in the void
yet tempt each other with obscure and wondering dreams
and dream that you and i
moving thru that calm and watchful eye
(that eye which in the other dwells)
can reconstruct the cause
and cause the word to speak,
might make the word a world
(a world which will not break)
and viewed by all olympus with the gods' consent
dying to the world and daring the dark descent,
might re-arise at last
with cause for passion passed
might re-arise at length
renewed and filled with strength
and, bursting on the void and fanning fast the flame,
destroy the void and name the nameless name
antinous! antinous! together!
* * *
in the temple
beneath the huge and over-arching dome
or on the margin of the lake at twilight
or in the depths of a black wood at midnight
safe and secure, steadfast and serene
uncontaminated by the hysterical forces of your mind
and quite shut off from all that stirs your soul,
passionless, removed from ecstacy
beyond the world in the land of dream
where dreams are more of world than world itself
surrounded by the pure and prescient flame...
you will observe the groundswell rise
all about you images of force
which demolish the dream-world, smash the bar,
dissolve you in their concupiscent arms
and utterly devour what makes you man.
then, no longer man,
no longer living in the world of sense
devoid of thought and form and fashioned mind
on you the light will streak its vicious beam,
its cold lascivious beam
and shape you to its will
involve you in the essence of its force
and tear the last remaining shreds of thought.
save me, my antinous, from that,
that torn declension from the world of man!
* * *
Notes to the poem:
As will become apparent, the poems concerning Antinous and Hadrian on this website will not necessarily be in chronological order and the Roman numerals to the left of the text indicate only the order in which poems are added to the site. Other poems of mine will also be added in interleaved fashion between the main subject, altho mostly they will all be concerned with the classical world and classical mythology.
Variety, as in life, is the spice of any website and too much order is oppressive. I bear always in mind the dictum that there are no straight lines in nature.
It should be noted that the above painting is from Alma-Tadema's 'Caracalla' but it serves my purpose admirably and could just as well be Hadrian. Incidentally, all the pictures on my website are taken from the Web and if the owner of any of them objects to their presence here he has only to let me know and I will delete it.
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